It's been a very long day and it's mostly been due to the 6 year old I've been looking after. Firstly I made the mistake of sitting down to watch Star Trek, generations with him. Never again. Two hours! Two bloody hours of, Who's that? is that the spaceship? is he the baddy? is he the goody? who's ship is that? is he an alien? what's he doing? what's she doing? is he a baddy now? what's that sparkly thing? why are they on a wooden ship now? what's a clingon? are they real? are they really in space? & the corker of 'what's a holodeck? What's a holodeck?? You try to explain to a six year old what a bloody holodeck is! You can't, it's not possible to explain it in language that a six year old will understand. Just leads to an endless barrage of further questions that will not only ruin the pace of the film but also give your will to live a severe bashing Nightmare, absolute nightmare. And as if that weren't enough, later on that evening, well after the plot of star trek 7 was reduced to ruins, I make an innocent joke that leads me down another path to intellectual pergatory.
I shall write this in the form of a short play entitled 'the never ending joke'. For the purposes of this skit, the boy in question will be 'R', I will be 'M' and the boys nine year old sister will be played by the letter 'T'.
R, M & T are all seated at the dinner table, R & M are enjoying a bowl of ice cream for pudding whilst T is having a chocolate bar. T gets up, chocolate bar only half eaten and says; T. ' I'm putting the rest in the fridge for later '
M. 'right you are, in the fridge for Ron'
R. 'No, T's saving it so she can eat it later, she's not giving it to Ron.
M. 'No R, she's put in the fridge for Ron, Late....
R. 'She wants it don't you T? She's not giving it to Ron.
M. 'LATER RON! it's a joke R!'
R. 'She wants it though'
T. 'It's a joke R'!
M 'Thankyou, (relieved that somebody in the room get's it) yes R it's a joke, you see, I say she's leaving it in the fridge for, Ron......Later on'
R (getting a bit upset by now) 'but she wants it don't give away'
M 'there's something fundamental you're missing R, It's a joke Ron...Later Ron
R still looks confused
M 'RON....LATER RON!!!! U see....Later-Ron.....Later-Ron'
R 'it's not funny'
M 'not now it isn't no'
Six year olds, who needs 'um. Mind you, a situation not helped by the fact that we do actually know somebody called Ron, but even so it's been a long old day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-(((
